Reality = Cruel

When I was 5, I thought I am a princess. My everything is perfect. I'm the smartest, the prettiest, teachers loved me and all.

When I was 7, reality struck me. I am not a princess. No matter what mummy say to make me feel better, she's just creating a princess image for me. For me to live in a fairy tale. When I noticed that I am not a princess, I didn't express any feeling of mine. I know mummy did that to make me feel more confident.

So I was never the smartest among my friends since I am 7. The truth says that I can't be the best. There's always someone better, someone smarter, someone prettier, someone more talented than me. I accept the fact. Nothing to deny about. That's the fact.

My heart was cold. I didn't bother much. I wish to shut down all my ability. I lowered down my target. Just because I knew about the truth. The reality, The cruel world.

And now, I am living my life for nothing. I don't even know what is my goal. But I would like to stay alive. Because if I am dead, my family will be sad. Especially me sister. I think she understands what is the meaning of die now.

I wonder, how did a children understand the meaning of die? When did they know it? What makes them understand it? I don't get it.